Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Great Cricket Insults

I have always imagined cricket as a sedate Sunday game played by middle aged business men on the local church green. But slating and bad mouthing the opposition are common place when professionals come to the crease and here are a few examples.

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal
words:
"So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on
his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it
eating,"Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean
chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your wife, she throws me a
biscuit

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes
after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I
can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:During 1991 Adelaide
Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv
dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the
departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:During a test match in
the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare
at him after deliveries.
"This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring
at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he
dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say
f**k off."

7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's
legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when
Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a
one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight,
unfit, fat c**t!!!"

8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes
tour and was greeted by
Mark Waugh....... MW : "F**&^$#@ me, look who it is.
Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to
play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"

9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian
Lara's d**&^$#@ taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath
(losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your


10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new
player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the
first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in
Australia.
You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning
around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that
old,ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time
porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne,
trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get
the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian
piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't
want
to slander anyone ) shastri hits it to this guy and
looks for a single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the
crease i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"


13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now
or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the
ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred
doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and
apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So
should your mother" he replied.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha.. that last one was GOOD. hehe

5:13 AM  
Blogger Alan said...

Number 3 is my favorite. A true classic !

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Botham's reply to number 1 was...
"The wife's fine thanks but the kids are retarded"
Genius.

6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the reply by the batsmen to number 11 was 'maybe, but as long as boonie (david boone) short leg doesn't beat me to it.

9:09 PM  

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