Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Unlucky in love

I have only ever been in love three times in my life and all in just the last 5 years. Before then I had seen people but had never really experienced the true feeling of love. I hoped that when I did finally fall in love it would be a wonderful experience that would last forever. How wrong I was ... it was great, but on each occasion it neve quite worked out.

Love One - The Cheating Love
My first ever long term relationship that lasted for three years. As it was my first love experience I wanted it to work so much. We met whilst out clubbing and he moved in with me after a few months. I forgave him the first time he cheated but it was harder the second. The third was too much and it all fell apart.

Love Two - The Preoccupied Love
We met a University on our first placement. We had loads in common and got on very well straight away. After many nights out drinking it soon moverd onto a relationship. Through the whole thing though he was constantly preoccupied with his Ex. This was his first love and I could never live up to this. When ever his Ex would call I would be second best. Whilst he never cheated on me I found it hard to play second fiddle to the Ex and things soon fizzled out.

Love Three - The Reluctant Love
I met him at a nightclub and stayed at his that night. We met again the next week and soon it became a regular thing. We got on well and I felt a connection. One day he introduced me to some of his mates as his partner and that was that. We just sort of fell into a relationship. Although I was happy with him I couldn't help but feel that he was a reluctant partner in the whole thing. I was just a stop gap until something better came along. His reluctance ment that he never fully committed and I always felt left out . Something better did come along and I was pushed aside.

All three have now moved on and are in new relationships and seem relativly happy with their lives. I can only think about what could have been and hope that number four will be better. My luck will have to change soon, wont it ?

What happened to spring ?

I recently commented that it was now Spring as I could leave the house on a Friday night without a coat ... where is that weather now ? Going to leave the house the other night I was confronted by a downpour of Biblical proportions and got soaked to the bone. On Friday I ws that cold I had to put on my big coat ! I for one cant wait for the summer and wish that Global Warming could happen that little bit quicker.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Lighters go out Across Europe

What is a smoker to do, apart from stand outside and get cold whilst losing their seat in the pub. Many Scandinavian and mainland Eurpoean countries have tightened their grip on smoking in public places. Ireland and Scotland have now outlawed it. Northern Ireland is soon to follow and England will ban it next August. I know it is bad for your health and it offends many people but it is one of the few pleasures that I have and enjoy. I may be forced into quitting (which may not be a bad thing) but I would have liked some say in the matter. They could have left it up to individual pubs and bars to decide how they would like to go. I recently went to a non-smoking pub (not by choice) and thought it odd to see that they still had a cigarette vending machine. Like the Government, it seems that bars still want the revenue from smokers just not the smoke !

Food for Thought

I have always had a strange relationship with food. Dont get me wrong, I love to eat and you cant bet a good curry or Sunday Roast. But as much as I love to eat I have always had a fear of getting fat. This fear weighed so heavy on my mind and consumed so much of my thoughts (sorry about the puns) that some years ago I developed an eating disorder. My bulimia was never full blown as I always managed to exhibit some degree of self control. I would rarely binge and could go for several days without vomiting. But when it was bad I would purge several times a week, skip meals, go on long runs to burn calories and smoke heavily to surpress my appitite.

This carried on for many months and the weight fell off. Soon I was down to below 8 stone. I had little body fat and my skin was pulled tight across my frame. The fun of thin soon wore off when I discovered I had no energy for anything, cound not concentrate and suffered terrible headaches. As a result my social life and University work suffered. I needed help but was not willing to admit that I had a problem. My idea for salvation was to go to my Doctors. They would find out that I had an eating disorder, I would own up and all would be solved. This did not prove that easy. Of the five GPs I saw three put my weight loss down to stress and one sent me for a HIV test as he associated weight loss and gay men with AIDS. Only asked enough probing questions for me to admit my problem. I was not serious enough to need hospitalisation but did need to see my GP for regular blood tests and with her help and that of a Dietician I was soon on the road to recovery.

I have not made my self vomint for over two years now and am happy with my weight but I still think about how bad it could have got and how easy I could have slipped un-noticed from the Doctors attention. It turns out that during their five years of training they only recieve a few hours on eating disorders and the main focus of this is teenage girls. It is now thought that 15-20% of all people with eating disorders are men and the number is growing. Actor Dennis Quaid recently admitted to suffering from "manorexia" after losing weight for a film role during the 1990's. The problem is on the increase and often goes un-noticed but help is needed. If you think a friend may have an eating disorder talk to them and try to get them to seek help. http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/

Wedded Bliss

I would like to take this opportunity to wish two very good friends of mine many congratulations on their engagement. Theresa and Row make a perfect couple and I am sure that they will have many happy years together. Their love of bikes, beer and me make them perfectly suited ! Their wedding, next August, will the first I have been to outside of my family (until now most of my friends have not been the marrying types) and I am looking forward to it so much. I cant wait for the hen party either ! Be aware that I am now on the look out for a date. I know that it is some what in advance but better to be prepared than single and have to sit with the divorcees and childern !

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Spring in my step

It is now officially spring. Not because we have been told it is but because I can now leave the house on a Friday night without a coat ! Well done spring, roll on the summer.

First Post

My therapist recently said that I needed an out let for all the thoughts that were milling around my head. She commented that sounding off to a friend was not always the best idea as whilst the can take an understanding view point you don't want to bog them down too much with your own depressing problems ! She said that a Blog may be a good outlet for both good and bad thoughts. Any bad thoughts can be got rid of into cyberspace and good thoughts could be recorded for prosperity. So this is it ...